1. Let your 2-year-old walk to the door alone while you watch from the car.
2. Say “Junior just threw up in the car. Call me if it gets worse.”
3. Give your child a kiss goodbye, while stuffing his pockets full of Halloween candy.
4. Tell your child “Miss M. won’t mind if you don’t want to nap today.”
5. Say “I forgot to bring (mitts/snowpants/underwear/etc) for Junior. He can borrow your daughter’s, right?”
6. Pat your pockets absentmindedly while muttering “I forgot to bring this week’s payment. I’ll just bring it next Friday along with next week’s payment.”
7. Brag about how you have the day off and you plan to enjoy it by sleeping, shopping and taking a “break” from your child.
8. Ask for a discount for the month because you’re “a little short on funds”, while checking the texts on your new iPhone 5 with your freshly manicured hands.
9. Say “I know breakfast ended 20 minutes ago, but Junior hasn’t eaten yet …”, and hand him a can of Coke and a Chocolate Dip donut, while guiding him into the playroom.
10. Arrive a half-hour earlier than opening time. Knock and ring the bell repeatedly until someone answers the door.
11. Stand idly by and chat for 35 minutes about your crazy ex, your terrible boss, your expensive trip to Hawaii and your plans for a fourth child, while your daycare provider tries to get 5 toddlers and 3 school-agers out the door and to the bus stop before the bus gets there.
12. Bring a six-pack of Cream Soda for the kids to share at snack time.
13. Forget to bring more diapers for your child, and then tell your daycare provider that “It’s okay, the diaper she’s in will last her for the day.”
14. Ask if you can pay your daycare bill with canned food items.
15. Try to guilt trip your daycare provider into opening on a Saturday because you really need some “me-time”.
16. Try to pull the old “dope-and-drop” — drugging your child with medication so that your provider won’t notice she’s sick and potentially contagious.
17. Ask your daycare provider to keep your 8-month-old awake all day so that he’ll sleep better at night.
18. Tell your daycare provider that Junior is in Big Girl underwear now, without any previous warning or toilet training attempts at home.
19. Forget to mention that your preschooler has a pocketful of loose change after he goes to play with 2 or 3 of the babies.
20. Say “Baby didn’t want to change out of her diaper and pajamas this morning. Here are her clothes for the day.”
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