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The Mommy Wars: Stuff That Doesn’t Really Matter Anyway

There’s another one scrolling across my newsfeed: Moms Who Give Birth Via C-Section Have It Easier.  Articles and blog posts that incite controversy among moms abound.

mommywars

I will guarantee you that the comments section of that article will become a battle ground for moms around the world.

I became a mom for the first time 15 years ago, and this is what I’ve learned: the stuff that I thought was a super big deal, really isn’t.  Things like:

Breast Vs. Bottle: Is your baby being fed?  Yes?  Great!  If your answer is no, there are bigger issues at hand.  In 15 years, it won’t matter HOW you fed your child, just that you DID feed your child.

Natural Birth Vs. Medicated Birth Vs. C-Section:  Was your baby born?  Yes?  Great!  No justification for the “how” is required.

Solids On A Schedule VS Baby-Led Weaning:  Is your baby growing, alert and relatively healthy?  Great!  You’re doing everything right!

Cloth Vs. Disposable: Do you change your baby’s diapers?  Great, keep it up!  When he becomes a teenager, he won’t care what kind of diapers they were, and chances are, neither will you.

Work Outside The Home Vs. Stay At Home: Do you love your children and spend time with them?  Because that’s all that really matters.

Homeschool Vs. Public School: Is your child getting an education?  If so, you’re doing exactly the right thing!

Family Bed Vs. Own Beds: Is everyone getting enough sleep?  If not, you can worry.  If they are, continue as you were.

CIO Vs. Attachment Parenting: Does it work for you?  Yes?  Then keep doing it.

Small Family Vs. Large Family:  Are you happy with the size of your family?  Yes?  Then who cares what others think of it?

The point is, the things that we think are a huge deal when we’re right in the middle of them, turn out to be not so important when we’re looking back. 

What are your priorities for your kids?

I want my kids to have a solid knowledge of their faith and a personal commitment to it, I want them to treat others the way they want to be treated, and I want them to understand what responsibility and commitment are when it comes to the other people in their lives.

And guess what? None of that has anything to do with whether I breastfed them or not. 

Article written by:

Megan is a WAHM to 3 (and then some) kids, who spends the majority of her time working as an Administrative Assistant, blogging and washing dishes. She loves to write about her adventures in parenting, running a home daycare, adoption and whatever else strikes her fancy!

36 Comments

  1. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    I honestly have no idea why we can’t all just get along. There is so much judging among moms and I think we are all just trying to do our best.

  2. April @ Everyday Fitness and Nutrition

    You just have to figure out what’s right for your family and do that. It doesn’t matter what other people think about it.
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  3. Joanne T Ferguson

    Serious, life is too short for such conflicts and to even worry about people who make big issues of the above! Everyone is trying to get through this life in the best way they can! Avoid the negativity I say!

  4. Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly

    I am not a parent, but it always make me sad that posts like these are even necessary. Why do people feel the need to constantly criticize the decisions of others, particularly parents, it is a tough enough job without having other parents tell you are doing it wrong We are all unique individuals raising unique individuals, can’t we all just let people do it their way?
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  5. Annemarie LeBlanc

    This is such a fun post to read! Everything is actually true. As long as your baby is healthy and happy, we should not care what others are saying.
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  6. Jeanette

    I totally agree. It’s amazing what seems important at the moment, later on you are wondering what was the big deal. If you are not harming you child and doing what you think is right, no one should judge you for your choices.
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  7. Alyssa C

    I totally agree with this post. For me, it’s all what’s best for YOU.
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  8. Jennifer Pridemore

    I found myself giggling a little while reading this! All the points you made were valid and on cue. It doesn’t matter really how we all parent. We all will do things differently, and we just hope that when the time comes, our kids are leaving our homes grown adults who know right from wrong.
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  9. Ourfamilyworld

    You are so right. Every mother only wants the best for her child. So long as the child is healthy and happy, none of us has the right to judge the mother on how she chooses to feed, bring up and educate her child.
    Go check out Ourfamilyworld’s latest post! Help! My Baby Won’t Fall Asleep For Anyone But Me!My Profile

  10. mykidsguide

    I agree! We all want the best for our children and we do everything we think is the best. We may do things differently, but what’s important is our kids are healthy, safe and happy.
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  11. Mistee Dawn

    This is so true! I have always wonder why so many people argue over this. We should really build each other up as women, not tear each other down.
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  12. Sandy KS

    By time my second child came along, I knew I would raise my children the way I saw fit. Not anyone else. If they had an issue. They could easily keep their mouth shut or not visit. I don’t mind discussing or offering to help. I do have an issue with someone who tries to control how I raise my children. I am around them every day. I know best, not anyone else.

  13. Alli

    Amen!! Who cares? I breast fed and bottle fed and the bottle fed one was the healthiest of the bunch. 🙂 And I had 2 C-Sections and it hurt like crazy and a few people tried to make me feel like less of a woman. Again, who cares? As long as the baby makes it out healthy and whole, who cares how he/she got out? My kids are all grown and they are all strong in their faith and that is what I care about.
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  14. Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle

    Great post! Actually, NONE of the stuff that so many moms seem to want to judge each over matters. If your kid wants to sleep in your bed, and you’re fine with it, what do I care? I don’t. And neither should anyone else.
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  15. Shaney Vijendranath

    Someone once commented on a post: “Did my kid come out of your vagina?” …. LOL I giggled at first but then realized the meaning behind it. If only some moms would stop trying to parent other people’s kids. But this is something that will always exist.
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  16. Jenn

    I couldn’t agree more with this article!! Being a Mom is a tough job. Instead of fighting we should be raising one another up! What works for one person doesn’t necessiarly work for another! If the kids are healthy, happy, fed, rested and educated, who cares how they got there!
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  17. Mimi "MimiCuteLips" Green

    I hate the “Mommy Wars” I think they are dumb. There is no rule book to parenting and we all do what we feel is best. Parenting is hard enough, I can’t worry about someone bottle feeding because I’m breastfeeding. I’m trying to figure out why my baby is crying or teaching them to read, etc.
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  18. Emilee Speaks

    I hate to see women put each other down. We need to be uplifting each other and supporting each other. In Amy Poehler’s book “Yes Please” she talks about this topic. She says that we shouldn’t be mean to each other about parenting choices. Her motto is “Good for her, not for me”. I think it’d be better if all women stepped back and said this to themselves before saying something mean. Realize that what works for someone else, might not work for you. Doesn’t make their choices wrong.
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  19. Emily

    I don’t have kids yet but it’s sad to see parents feel so attacked by others online. It’s really not any different than highschoolers who do onling bullying because most of the moms who attack others online wouldn’t say the same things in person. Sad.
    Go check out Emily’s latest post! Tuesday Giveaway Link Up 8/18/2015My Profile

  20. kristin

    Cant agree more. Somby e things are not worth the battle. Tweens will make sure you are crazy 10 am everyday.
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  21. Uplifting Families

    I don’t get the whole vaginal birth vs c-section arguments. I’ve had both types of births. In fact, all three of my births were all different. A csection is a major surgery and it’s not a cake walk. But with a vaginal birth yout risk an episiotomy or tearing (even up to a 4th degree tear) which takes forever to heal.

    We are all moms we should support instead of pointing fingers.

    Do what is best for your family and let others do the same. If a mom asks, give your opinion and let her chose what is best.
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  22. rika

    People Really Need To Stop Judging Other People . Love and support others.. be nice, always!
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  23. Ron

    Really awesome point you touched here. The issue about this subject matter needs to stop. Mommy wars must end now.
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  24. michele d

    I totally agree with others. People specially moms shouldn’t shame other women if they didn’t breastfeed. My gosh, it’s not the end of the world here. To each it’s own and to be honest I am tired of it being on my newsfeed as well.

  25. Chubskulit Rose

    The school where my kids go to, most of the families are rich. We kinda stay away from mingling with a lot of them not because we feel inferior but because we don’t our kids to want what their kids have which we might not be able to provide. I know that they look at us differently but I don’t really care, what matter is us and what we do best for our kids.
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  26. Bonnie @ wemake7

    Awesome post! So true in every way. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter which approach was taken does it?
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  27. Erin

    Oh goodness.. The parenting wars just kill me. I don’t understand why people feel the need to fight with each other over so many things!
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  28. Michelle @ Dishes and Dust Bunnies

    I couldn’t agree more with this post! There so many arguments between moms about what is the right way to do things. Every kid is different so what works for one parent may not for another.
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  29. Dawn McAlexander

    On the homeschooling vs. public schooling thing, I know that you say that as long as they are getting an education that they are good, but I have to say, I have met some home schooled people who were very socially awkward. I think that public education is better because it not only provides the education but it also allows children to develop socially. When you are stuck at home with the same people all day every day, then learning how to interact with other people is very difficult.
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  30. Lynndee

    I couldn’t agree more with you. Unfortunately, some people just couldn’t mind their own business. I want my son to have respect for everyone because once there is respect, everything else will follow. That I truly believe so.
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  31. Tanya C. {@Treats by Tanya}

    I would love to send this list out to everyone I know. Having debates over all these ‘little’ things will mean nothing in the future. Right now my current battle with a family member is over the homeschooling. I can’t wait to share your view – as long as they’re getting an education – very soon with her. Especially when my first grader tested at 5th grade level. Now I have some weight lifted off these shoulders 😀 Thank you!
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  32. ricci

    This is such a great post. I don’t have kids but I am constantly comparing myself to others and I need to learn that what is right for me isn’t right for everyone and vice versa.
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  33. Chrystal | YUM eating

    I don’t get the mommy wars at all. I can’t believe how high and mighty some women think they are. None of us are perfect. None of us are the same. We all make mistakes. What works for you may not work for someone else. No mom, no women, no person is an expert because we all have different backgrounds, life and experiences. Being a parent is hard enough without judgement. People should just worry more about their own kids and life and stop focusing so much on others.
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  34. ROsey

    Hear! Hear! It would be nice if people would listen to this early on too, instead of waiting until their kids are already grown. Everyone would sure be a lot happier. 🙂

  35. lisa

    I always hate when I see moms argue about what they did and how they did everything for their kids. We are all moms and we need to be supportive because we all know it’s a rough job!!
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  36. Ann Bacciaglia

    People need to realize we do not all have to do everything the same way. What works for me might not work for everyone. I think we should try to be supportive and learn from one another.

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