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Adoption

5 Things People Said When We Told Them We’re Adopting

FiveThingsPeopleSaid

Whenever we embark on a new adventure as a family, I do a ton of research.  Books, blogs, documentaries, websites … it’s all fair game.  And even before we started down the path to adoption, I read and watched as much as possible to inform our decision.

The one thing that scared me a little bit was reading all of the insensitive responses that adoptive parents had received on sharing the exciting news that they would be adopting.  Things like “What are you thinking?” or “Why would you want to do that?” or “Why can’t you be happy with your own kids?”.

Our experience was completely different.  Like, night and day different.  So if you’re ever wondering what to say when friends share that they’re planning to adopt, here are five things that encouraged us:

1. “Congratulations!” – If in doubt, this should be the default response.  A hug will add volumes to your pronouncement.

2. “That’s wonderful, how exciting!” – This is also a great default response.  It is wonderful, and it is exciting that a family would be willing to open their arms and their home to a child that needs one.

3. “My friend/sister/hair stylist had an amazing adoption experience!” – Any not-so-amazing adoption stories should be saved for later … or not at all.  Let’s face it, every possible venture in life has horror stories that can be told, but no one just starting out needs to hear them.  But good stories, on the other hand, are encouraging and motivating!

4. “Do you need a reference?” – As long as you’re prepared to give a great (and honest) reference, offering may be a huge help!  It can be awkward to ask friends and family to fill out the required forms.

5.“How can we help?” – We needed our 3 children watched while we did PRIDE training for 9 weeks.  Not only that, but our oldest needed to be dropped off and picked up from Youth Group every week during that time.  Friends of ours graciously took the kids, while other friends picked up and dropped off our oldest at Youth Group each week.  But each family’s needs are different.  Your friends may need their children cared for while they go for Home Study interviews.  Or maybe they would rather have help with meals after their child is adopted.

These are all responses that we got when we shared our adoption plans, and we were so glad to feel the love and support from our family and friends.  It really encouraged us in our decision.

Not everyone is in a place to adopt, but anyone can be supportive of those who are.  So if a friend has expressed their desire to adopt, consider how you might be able to help or support them!

Article written by:

Megan is a WAHM to 3 (and then some) kids, who spends the majority of her time working as an Administrative Assistant, blogging and washing dishes. She loves to write about her adventures in parenting, running a home daycare, adoption and whatever else strikes her fancy!

16 Comments

  1. Lisa's Free Stuff (@lsheldon5)

    My brother and I were adopted together. He was 7 and I was 5. It is wonderful that you opened your home and your hearts to children. It was always interesting to hear people’s reaction, especially for adopting older children. Most of the time it was a positive response. You just need to be happy for them.

    • Megan Elford

      So true! And I think that no matter what people say, as long as their intentions are good, their words will be too!

  2. Amanda Evans

    What a wonderful and important post! I think I am one who fumbles with the right intentions but perhaps not knowing what to say. This is so helpful…and CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂

  3. Mystic_Kitchen

    That’s really great- and awesome you have the support from so many people… thanks for sharing!

  4. Jillian Fisher

    I would do all five. I would like to adopt somewhere down the line also. 🙂

  5. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    How wonderful that you got so much support. Glad you have such great people in your life.

  6. Amy G

    That’s great that people were so open. Our son is adopted. It’s a crazy wild ride but worth it!

  7. MyKidsGuide (@MyKidsGuide)

    Those are great tips. I always congratulate but find myself short on words.

  8. Parenting Healthy

    Love the last one. Any parent can use the help but don’t like to ask. Since you asked…. 🙂

  9. Louida (@MissLouMae)

    This is great when someone is supportive in your decision. Adoption is a great way to give children a loving family.

  10. mrenkema79

    It’s always good to hear tips from people that have been in the situation! Thanks for sharing, and hopefully it helps raise awareness!

  11. Liz Mays

    Such loving and supportive responses you received. I think this is wonderful!

  12. satrntgr

    My husband and I tried to adopt, but the only place near where we live said it would be $20-30,000 …sorry, we’re wanting to be parents again, not broke! 🙁

    • Megan Elford

      Ugh, that’s awful! That’s a big part of the reason why we decided to adopt from foster care. We felt called to adopt, but not called to go into debt!

  13. maggiesblog2

    My friend and her partner recently adopted a 3 yo and his newborn sister. I have offered to help in any way I can and couldn’t be happier for them!

  14. gigglesnkisses

    Congratulations! There are so many children in the world who need loving homes. Thanks for sharing on Sunday’s Best linkup.

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